I know I know; but how do I know I know?

I know:

• as a Mum I want to protect, advocate, help and support my children. But as adults I  know they need to 'protect, help and support' themselves and the ones they love and care for. We aim to foster those skills from an early age

• as a parent I still want to give advice to my 'adult' children, or share my 'wisdom and experience', but all I really have is the benefit of hindsight, and some extra life experience, knowledge and skills 

• and understand when my children (at any age) become anxious and have important, life changing decisions or stressful events, the feeling of a heavy heart and despondency. I've had it many times over the years

• it comes with heart ache or break, a busy work or study schedule; disappointment, discord and disruption to every day life - and a feeling you have no control, support or perhaps social life!

• it comes when their health is suffering or routine is upside down - or when they are faced with difficult choices and decisions... 

• the feelings they are experiencing are both normal and will pass - sometimes from day to day and other times month to month or year to year. Some of them relate to physical health and others to the head and heart ❤️ 

• that often something must give, or they must give something up - sometimes it is a job, money, career, social life, a possession or even a person

• there are curve balls, crises and sometimes they may crumble under pressure 

• life is unfair, unpredictable and at times unpleasant, and...life is to be lived to the fullest; life is a privilege, and full of wonder :-) 

• I will keep giving unasked for advice to my adult children - and...I know why my Mum still wants to give me advice about my choices, decisions or anxieties!

and last but not least: I know it's ok, not to be ok all of the time (Power of Positivity)

How do I know?

I look back and think about the past and to an extent I gave up a social life between the ages 21 and 37. All of it for good reason and much of it by choice.

In my case I know those years included the birth and early childhood of my two beautiful girls. But as I'm sure any parent is aware, that was also a big responsibility and stress in its own right!

I had miscarriages at thirty, no health benefits and we (then husband) had loan upon loan.  I sometimes felt it was hard to talk to friends about these things  as they too had jobs, families, partners and problems of their own; in some cases we just 'added fuel to each others fire'; particularly when experiencing difficult times in relationships.

I had a full time job both as a parent and at work; I had a casual job on top of that (when pregnant with my youngest) and I was studying a degree.

But I don't regret a thing (OK maybe one or two things) and in many ways it has made me stronger, more appreciative and more determined in my life and work journey.

And I am in no way complaining, being self-righteous or looking for sympathy!

I hope I am pointing out that life is tough, it can be unfair and uncertain - but...with optimism, belief and kindness we can 'weather the storms', get back in the boat when we fall out, and row with all our mite... we will endure the hardest of times and appreciate calmer waters during the journey.

Life experience gives us all some credibility to give advice, but how can we help our children to 'get back in the boat' and enjoy the journey?

I know I know?

There is so much pressure to have a career, exercise, eat well, look good, buy a house, have a baby, be an entrepreneur and have money and more money, did I mention further study? Oh and to be mindful and happy...

We will always have another choice or decision to make that is harder (if not wiser) than the last, and at that point in our lives, it will be the right one (for that person and now). 

In the face of adversity, strong nurturing and protection from my mum, mentors, extended family, friends and education (that's another blog); I have learned to be independent, support, advocate and protect myself and those I love.

So I use the tools and skills I have learned, mistakes I have made, experiences I have lived and I live my dreams, love my family, be kind and care for others.

I plan, review and revisit goals, values and take 'inspired action' I want or must take! (easier said than done!)

My dream such as it was at 17 i.e.to be a mother-craft nurse came true, I achieved my goal at 26 to be director of a child care centre and my desire to have a baby was fulfilled twice. At 35 I decided to complete a degree', at 40 to write a book; at 50 to go overseas and at 55 my dream to open a book cafe came true!

I have valued 'job satisfaction' in my early childhood and adult education careers and I sometimes decided to 'do more with less' or 'suffered' short-term pain for long-term gain. 

I still weigh up difficult decisions or choices in order to spend less or earn more; be more or less tired, have more or less commitments. I do a pros and cons list and if the pros outweigh the cons I believe that to be the right decision.

If I had ceased to study my degree at 37 perhaps I would still be married, perhaps not?

But I was 'doing it all' and managing the commitments the best I could.

Perhaps by working on my feelings and emotions with a psychologist, reading copious books, and more study in later years, I have been able to cope better with the practicalities or with less stress and procrastinating - and sometimes not!

Now though finally in my 50s I understand I do my best...I try to treat myself with kindness, and realise sometimes we attract our own drama by thinking the worst of a situation.

If we visualise and convince our brain the things we want to attract, sometimes they materialise? But...ONLY if we act on them and they are in our best interests or the interests of those we love (or 'the community/society/world we live in) and not at someone else's expense or peril.

And if all else fails, I have a friend who likes the saying 'pull your big girl panties up' i.e. worry less, get on with the task at hand and realise there are others worse off than you - and another who says 'do what you can do and if all you can do is all you can do then, all you can do is enough'

I think sometimes to be happy we should also remember to keep pulling up those big girl panties, cos they will stretch further than we realise 😝

So...I know I have advice to give and years of experience/wisdom to share and I know I will continue to make mistakes...but through it all I will protect and support my adult children; and I know they will protect and support the ones they love...including me as I grow older; and I know the roles will inevitably reverse!