Monday melt down

Sitting at my favourite cafe well, my second favourite! Taking the deep breath I've been told by many a meditation expert. Live in the now, take a moment away from life as I know it and be  present. 

Watching dogs and their 'people' running and strolling along the beach; waves slowly rolling in at the same time. 

Should I eat breakfast, have a coffee or go for a walk along the beach? My only decision to make right here, right now.

I see a person I know walk past, she sees me, we both choose not to speak. Well she chose to walk briskly along the foreshore while I've decided on breakfast and coffee.

I need to reflect and 'exercise' in a different way - some would say spiritually others might call it mindfulness. 

But what I really need today is time out with a Capital T.

The honeymoon period is not quite over with my business; yet I also seem to have reached a threshold, peak; or maybe it's a trough?

Everything I've visualised or should I say planned has come to fruition; the law of attraction has treated me well. It's just continuing and taking 'inspired action' that's making me feel tired. 

I don't even realise I'm tired until I stop. Then the aches and pains and today tears start to well up...

Then I remember this is reality and perhaps allowing myself time to release the cortisol and face the stressors also helps to debrief and resume with commitment and conviction.

I've decided to call this day 'Monday Melt Down' and I'm going to allow it to happen - this decision alone inspires me. 

My mind wanders again and I think... Oops  today is about NOT thinking...coffee is finished and I watch a seagull flex and stretch his wings. I see the first hint of winter sunshine forcing its way through black clouds. I step outside and remember it's only 10° but both refreshing  and calming. 

I return home and revisit my 2006 vision board, not a digital one...an old fashioned, hand made poster. I decide to update and do a new one. 

I'm using the back of an old print, cutting out and pasting with magazine and newspaper cutouts, headlines and adding favourite sayings/quotes...leaving it to dry I make a pact to look at it each day for the next week.

A week later...no 'Monday Meltdown' ...just gratitude as I take the 30 minute walk down the beach instead of coffee and breakfast today. I had a refreshing lemon and ginger juice and poached egg on rye before I left home. 

Throughout the week my 'visions' were manifesting themselves...I am more rested, calm and taking my own advice! I am looking forward to the second year of the book cafe and exciting times ahead. 

The moral of today's blog...'it's okay to have a meltdown just don't unpack and live there' (unknown) 

I think that has been a moral of past blogs too! 

BTW we had our first birthday celebrations last week - and some said it couldn't be done! 

So another moral of this and past blogs? Hold the vision and trust the process - I may have to hold on bloody tight sometimes, but I am grateful for the opportunity every day! 

Fear, failure | dreaming and believing

I am driving an EH Holden - I have only been sixteen for 5 minutes. 

My mum describes the tenacity and determination I have to learn to drive. I dream of it day and night. No kidding!

I'm crowned Miss Salisbury High - not because I'm your typical 'prom queen' but because someone believes in me enough to nominate me...In a borrowed dress, and partner (yes borrowed too) to escort me to the year 12 School ball, determination strikes again. 

I don't believe I am as pretty or as smart as the other girls in the quest. But for five years whenever someone else was nominated I dream that one day it will be me! 

My name is announced as the winner. I do not fein surprise, I am surprised. I still think the other girls are prettier and smarter and I think that others are more surprised than me. Not my family, they believe

in me. 

I fail year 12 - partly due to illness; partly due to home stress and partly a deliberate attempt to sabotage my father's intention that I should go to teachers college. 

I am a mother craft nurse. I dream it; I feel it and I believed it - from year 9, it's what I wanted to do. No one would stop me.

I'm living in a house with my friends, lifelong friends, although I don't know that at the time. 

We are supposed to live at the nurses home; but no one can change our mind - we move without our parents consent. After all we are 18 years old and know what we are doing! 

I'm called into the matrons office and told I am lazy and don't smile enough. I'm sick to the stomach. She tells me I will not make probation. I hide in the walk in linen cupboard. I cry. I promise myself then and there I will graduate and excel at my job - I love babies, Im enjoying the course and work. I am having fun. I feel confident and...determined.  They are wrong about me. They don't know me! 

I graduate with credits in my course and excellent nursing reports. I make a speech at our graduation. I'm proud to be a mother craft nurse.

Where to from here? I have met the man I will marry. 

I have a job in the neonatal unit. We go to live in the Northern Territory - take a risk, make mistakes. Return to Adelaide. Marry.

I find a job in childcare... I discover a career path when I m invited to be assistant director. Another person has faith in my ability. More importantly, I have faith in my ability.

We buy a house, land and later another house. We have a mortgage and high interest rates strike.

I have to work, I want to work. I dream of being director or owning a childcare centre. I am 26. Five interviews later and learning I am pregnant, I establish and operate a community-based service. 

We have the baby I always knew we would. She had her name long before she was born.

I have two miscarriages before our next beautiful baby girl is born. 

Returning from maternity leave I need a new career path, one that works around my girls school years. 

The skills, knowledge and experience I have gained over a decade in early childhood sees me pursue a job as a trainer in adult education. Firstly I'm invited as a guest speaker. I realise my potential. I love making a difference in students lives. I love mentoring and recognising the skills they have from their experience in life.

If I am to make a career of this, while paying the mortgage and raising children

I must study. 

I sit the mature age entry into university. I commence my bachelor. A lecturer tells me I will never make it. 

Four years later, separated from my marriage... I make it and graduate from university. My mother brother and daughter are there to support me. I wish my dad was here too. He died a year earlier. 

I am a teacher/trainer and finding my way through a new millennium as a single mother while maintaining a professional status, job role and career. 

There are many challenges, balancing life, love and the growth and development of my children. 

At work I'm innovative and passionate for a cause - which will eventually be my undoing. I will not become 'like the system I oppose'

I stopped dreaming, I was fighting for something that I could not change. None the less I made a difference if only to some. 

A new dream, a new vision. Plenty of action. Hold the vision and trust the 

process they say! 

Sometimes sad sometimes glad, I feel the the fear and do it anyway. I leave my job, my career and some friends of 23 years. 

Today I have a book cafe that encompasses local business, women in business, community and fosters a sense of being and belonging... I also have a FB page called 'women, wonder and wisdom' and a blog that tells a story of moments before redundancy through to reflection and reinventing myself as a cafe owner! 

Last but not least I survived the working mother period (single at that!) and now a 'senior-preneur' - I read, I write, I plan, think, dream and do! I have belief and vision.

There are many challenges today and still ahead

But with conviction, gratitude, lifelong  friends and family who believe in me ... 'once again' I have the tenacity and determination of my 16, 18 and 26 year old self 😊 

https://www.facebook.com/onceandagain.bookcafe/

'Pursuit of a passion'

As the owner of Once & Again Book Café I am joined by my daughters who have remained steadfastly by my side to develop a dream and help bring my vision to life. You will see them in the café from time to time; and both have successful pursuits and commitments to their own work, business and study.

My background is education and training, coaching and mentoring and luckily includes food service and hospitality - including a barista course or two ;-) Previously I have worked in Bar and Retail...which has brought me back to a passion for working 'with people' from all walks of life and making a difference - if not in people's lives, at least their day, with a good cup of coffee, great service, interesting and helpful books, a range of gift options and a chance to share the café space by booking their own meeting or small gathering.

The benefits and gains for me personally include: independence, pursuit of a passion and change of career direction while able to capitalize on years of education, training, skills, experience and knowledge.

 

All of this comes with the challenge of financial insecurity, risk, new learning and great change. I need to be flexible yet ensure I researched my new business and remain organised. I take many opportunities for reflection, seek advice and seem to be attracting like minded people who are mentoring, encouraging and supporting my dream and inspired actions. 

My advice for all young and old(er) business women alike is to hold on tight, be prepared to 'fall off' every 'once & again', pick yourself up and brush yourself off.  Know what it is you are 'chasing' (dreams, vision, outcomes) and take inspired action 'every day' - have faith in yourself, find the right people to encourage and support you , and try, try and try again. If it's meant to be, it will be!

Once& Again Book Café | Ph: 08 72260910  |  569b Marion Road, Plympton Park | onceandagain.bookcafe@gmail.com

I know I know; but how do I know I know?

I know:

• as a Mum I want to protect, advocate, help and support my children. But as adults I  know they need to 'protect, help and support' themselves and the ones they love and care for. We aim to foster those skills from an early age

• as a parent I still want to give advice to my 'adult' children, or share my 'wisdom and experience', but all I really have is the benefit of hindsight, and some extra life experience, knowledge and skills 

• and understand when my children (at any age) become anxious and have important, life changing decisions or stressful events, the feeling of a heavy heart and despondency. I've had it many times over the years

• it comes with heart ache or break, a busy work or study schedule; disappointment, discord and disruption to every day life - and a feeling you have no control, support or perhaps social life!

• it comes when their health is suffering or routine is upside down - or when they are faced with difficult choices and decisions... 

• the feelings they are experiencing are both normal and will pass - sometimes from day to day and other times month to month or year to year. Some of them relate to physical health and others to the head and heart ❤️ 

• that often something must give, or they must give something up - sometimes it is a job, money, career, social life, a possession or even a person

• there are curve balls, crises and sometimes they may crumble under pressure 

• life is unfair, unpredictable and at times unpleasant, and...life is to be lived to the fullest; life is a privilege, and full of wonder :-) 

• I will keep giving unasked for advice to my adult children - and...I know why my Mum still wants to give me advice about my choices, decisions or anxieties!

and last but not least: I know it's ok, not to be ok all of the time (Power of Positivity)

How do I know?

I look back and think about the past and to an extent I gave up a social life between the ages 21 and 37. All of it for good reason and much of it by choice.

In my case I know those years included the birth and early childhood of my two beautiful girls. But as I'm sure any parent is aware, that was also a big responsibility and stress in its own right!

I had miscarriages at thirty, no health benefits and we (then husband) had loan upon loan.  I sometimes felt it was hard to talk to friends about these things  as they too had jobs, families, partners and problems of their own; in some cases we just 'added fuel to each others fire'; particularly when experiencing difficult times in relationships.

I had a full time job both as a parent and at work; I had a casual job on top of that (when pregnant with my youngest) and I was studying a degree.

But I don't regret a thing (OK maybe one or two things) and in many ways it has made me stronger, more appreciative and more determined in my life and work journey.

And I am in no way complaining, being self-righteous or looking for sympathy!

I hope I am pointing out that life is tough, it can be unfair and uncertain - but...with optimism, belief and kindness we can 'weather the storms', get back in the boat when we fall out, and row with all our mite... we will endure the hardest of times and appreciate calmer waters during the journey.

Life experience gives us all some credibility to give advice, but how can we help our children to 'get back in the boat' and enjoy the journey?

I know I know?

There is so much pressure to have a career, exercise, eat well, look good, buy a house, have a baby, be an entrepreneur and have money and more money, did I mention further study? Oh and to be mindful and happy...

We will always have another choice or decision to make that is harder (if not wiser) than the last, and at that point in our lives, it will be the right one (for that person and now). 

In the face of adversity, strong nurturing and protection from my mum, mentors, extended family, friends and education (that's another blog); I have learned to be independent, support, advocate and protect myself and those I love.

So I use the tools and skills I have learned, mistakes I have made, experiences I have lived and I live my dreams, love my family, be kind and care for others.

I plan, review and revisit goals, values and take 'inspired action' I want or must take! (easier said than done!)

My dream such as it was at 17 i.e.to be a mother-craft nurse came true, I achieved my goal at 26 to be director of a child care centre and my desire to have a baby was fulfilled twice. At 35 I decided to complete a degree', at 40 to write a book; at 50 to go overseas and at 55 my dream to open a book cafe came true!

I have valued 'job satisfaction' in my early childhood and adult education careers and I sometimes decided to 'do more with less' or 'suffered' short-term pain for long-term gain. 

I still weigh up difficult decisions or choices in order to spend less or earn more; be more or less tired, have more or less commitments. I do a pros and cons list and if the pros outweigh the cons I believe that to be the right decision.

If I had ceased to study my degree at 37 perhaps I would still be married, perhaps not?

But I was 'doing it all' and managing the commitments the best I could.

Perhaps by working on my feelings and emotions with a psychologist, reading copious books, and more study in later years, I have been able to cope better with the practicalities or with less stress and procrastinating - and sometimes not!

Now though finally in my 50s I understand I do my best...I try to treat myself with kindness, and realise sometimes we attract our own drama by thinking the worst of a situation.

If we visualise and convince our brain the things we want to attract, sometimes they materialise? But...ONLY if we act on them and they are in our best interests or the interests of those we love (or 'the community/society/world we live in) and not at someone else's expense or peril.

And if all else fails, I have a friend who likes the saying 'pull your big girl panties up' i.e. worry less, get on with the task at hand and realise there are others worse off than you - and another who says 'do what you can do and if all you can do is all you can do then, all you can do is enough'

I think sometimes to be happy we should also remember to keep pulling up those big girl panties, cos they will stretch further than we realise 😝

So...I know I have advice to give and years of experience/wisdom to share and I know I will continue to make mistakes...but through it all I will protect and support my adult children; and I know they will protect and support the ones they love...including me as I grow older; and I know the roles will inevitably reverse!