My story

"Write a book" they said..."someone has to write the book",  eventually called SucSexfully Single Sometimes...a clever play on words I thought then...

It was a cathartic experience and one shared with many friends my age. Equally detested, judged and disputed by many of my friends.

It was easier to deny leading 'such an existence' and many friends judged it; fairly, and unfairly to be my story 'alone'. 

I cannot deny my thoughts, feelings and many experiences were reflected in the book, yet there were other friends who made appearances and willingly shared their journeys along the way. Otherwise "any resemblance to those living or dead was purely coincidental", of course ;-)

More importantly the book was a sign of the times, changing and somewhat tumultuous.

Originally it was meant to be a self-help book but at that time and even more so now, there are so many others on the market. Besides, I think perhaps it was easier to hide behind the 'fictional characters'.

It amazes me how many people reacted with disdain and disapproval, others who claim they had a friend, sister or a neighbour who would relate to the book. It was never themselves (laughing, somewhat cynical emoticon).

The life and times depicted in the book  was in fact relevant to the many 40 somethings...or even 30 pluses of the 90's. Some might say we were the 'early adopters' of a new single life as parents and career women. It was on the brink of on line dating...

Separation is never easy...after becoming a mother at 26 and grappling with work and career along with parenting and separating at 37, life was not without struggle. I believe I managed to parent two beautiful girls never questioning nor hesitating to support their needs. Of course I must also attribute that 'success' in life to support from their father, many extended family members, teachers and friends.

Balancing study with work and children to achieve a qualification and supporting the girls as a single parent required a rather single minded and determined outlook in life.

Whatever stage or area of life I have 'lived and loved' I've always been passionate and enjoyed challenges and innovating ideas and practices, particularly where I have a firm belief that the outcome is in the best interests of an individual, family, friend, cause, group or society.

I've always enjoyed a 'semi autonomous' work environment, while enjoying relationships often instinctively mentoring others. 

Growing up in a low socio-economic area with a father predominantly unemployed and always admiring my mothers ability to work hard and provide for her children in the face of adversity, both my brother and sister were also determined to achieve their work and career goals - all of us needing to work long and hard while being grateful and showing integrity...

After years of negative feedback from my father, positive feedback from others helped me to thrive in otherwise difficult environments along with those who supported my skills or recognised my efforts. 

I married at the ripe old age of 21 and appreciated the kindness and devotion of my then husband. As we started to grow apart I continued pursuing career goals and the pressure grew - we both changed and our wants and needs were different.

As a single parent societal expectations of older single women with children were archaic and often misunderstood.

Balancing parenting, work and life in general, increasingly takes its toll and yet it can be an enlightning time; particularly with strong friendships and strong bonds.

Post marriage and singledom then inspired the book, 10 years in the making. Definitely an achievement and its completion, subsequent self publishing and promotion saw it reach bookshops

.... and of course www

What then?

After 23 years in vocational education and training, I knew I wanted to pursue my dream of owning a book cafe. I realised this dream in 2015 and while in a loving relationship with my best friend, I remain steadfastly independent and perhaps a little bit wiser in a relationship.

So here I sit preparing to write book number two... most of the titles I can think of have already been taken by other authors, but I have identified and experienced problems and some solutions I believe are worth sharing so I'm sure a title will come.

I will include my journey in the first two years of being a sole trader and 'life after government'. There will be tragedy, trepidation and triumph... there will be people who don't believe in me but more importantly there are people that already do.

So wish me luck as I embark on this next chapter of my life and I hope you will join me on the journey, the steep climbs, a few falls and my rise to fame. Just kidding, I will seriously be happy if a second book makes a difference to 'just a few' (liar liar pants on fire) 😊😘

Another year and more resolutions

So this is my story at the beginning of yet another year when everyone seems to be making resolutions and plans for the year ahead. 

The purpose of this blog is helping you with not only planning for moving forward but taking action. Whether it is at the beginning of the year, changing career, starting or running a business, or somewhere in the middle or even the end of both, planning some elements of life and work helps us to reach our full potential and realise our dreams. Stephen Kovey called it 'keeping the end in mind'.

This blog is based upon a dialogue and journal of reflection that I hope will resonate.

It may help you, a friend, daughter and mother or even grandmother.

As I move through all these stages I am becoming quite the expert. I fall down, stay down, pick myself up, move on and carry on; but most of all I survive and thrive and live my life accordingly. Am I happy, am I successful? I know one thing and that is I am grateful for every opportunity and experience. 

At the end of the day it's really up to you to take a proactive approach to achieving your goals and solving any challenges - 'have confidence' they say; 'you have what it takes to bring about a happy ending' .

On the whole I consider myself optimistic and outwardly confident but in my head and my heart sometimes it tells a different story. Having a vision in mind, planning and taking action helps me to stay focused and when opportunity knocks I am ready and 'waiting to answer the door'.

I think the key for me has been to keep moving in the direction of my hopes vision/dreams, plans and goals over many years.

Well it may take some time and there is always hard work involved, but the effort is always worth it. 

Obstacles and challenges always arise. These added to my libran quality of procrastination can make it sometimes hard to act; and yet the key is to continue with a positive mindset, take even the smallest of steps, if only one day at a time. 

I outline all the action that I need to take in relation to the areas of my life such as work, business, health, relationships and my finances. 

I need to be reminded though so I look for real and virtual mentors. I need reinforcement to anchor myself to keep moving forward.

Thinking about what I need to do and taking action every day makes me reflect on what has to happen, how, when and who can help me.

Once I feel pretty much on top of 'procrastination' and do most of the actions outlined in this phase, especially in relation to work and business, it becomes easier to outline (using task lists and schedules) what I need to do and then I can start ticking off to show progress and achievement.

Yesterday for example I have ticked most of what I had planned - what I like about this phase though is being reminded to forgive myself if something is not achieved and to reset or change/alter course.

If anything I need to be easier on myself and add more health and well being actions and schedules! 

I do not write reflections each day.  I feel although I do prioritise tasks and actions completing many; it seems to make me a little obsessive. I have realised through scheduling and acting upon tasks for work, study or business I must also support my health and well-being.

I think a risk of making resolutions, having visions and goals-setting sometimes means we may stop living in the so-called present eg when obsessed with reflection and planning - so this morning, after a days planning and actions yesterday, I have come to my favourite spot at the beach (unplanned) watching a Scragg flex his wings as he seems to when ever weather permits. I think I can learn a lot from his regular routine to enjoy a birds eye view and fresh air. I'll add it to my plan and act on it at least once a week 😉

Happy new year