My body clock now wakes me of its own accord; no, wait my cat
wakes me when his circadian rhythms stir. When in fact have I slept at all? At
first light, and all too often by the light of my phone (dimmed I might add,
like it makes a difference), I check emails, Facebook, Pintrest, blog
discussions and Linked in.
One of these invariably takes me to another article, blog,
Instagram, internet site or twitter feed. An article of interest today is
"What do the most successful entrepreneurs do?" http://www.inc.com/welcome.html?destination=http://www.inc.com/paul-b-brown/what-the-most-successful-entrepreneurs-do.html
Ponder this for awhile, ask yourself "Am I an entrepreneur?
Could I be an entrepreneur? And how do you know you an entrepreneur" Are
you there yet? The very word conjures up an image for me of someone who is
fulfilled (self or materialistically); rich (ard Bransen) and self absorbed.
Someone who reaches dizzying heights of fame and fortune often at the expense
of others - someone who by passes through the difficult times unfazed and is in
a constant state of optimism and motivation.
This image of an entrepreneur is exhausting and I believe
fostered by media (social or otherwise) and the stories we read, or pictures we
see of entrepreneurs who regularly feature in the tabloids or world wide
web. Sometimes they are already rich and
famous, sometimes tech savvy inventors and innovators (if I read about another
entrepreneurial start up I'll burst); occasionally they are leaders and very
occasionally they are unknown - a story of adversity and resilience often comes
with their entrepreneurial success.
So, are you an entrepreneur? Do you know someone in your everyday
life who is, was or will become one? Today...I think I do, and today I think I
am...well the article I'm reading suggests maybe I am. No one else needs to
know or answer the question, except perhaps you, the reader, my confidant.
"The secret is to not look at what they do, but how they
behave" says Author Paul B Brown. (Entrepreneurship for the Rest of
Us@FromPaulBBrown). 'Act, Learn, Build and Repeat' he describes...oh how
often have u done this in life? He suggests you can fail, start over again -
does this mean you simply pick yourself up and start 'up' all over again? Paul
highlights '...be bold, take risks'. He states: "Those very risks that you take help you take
control of your own future; your destiny. By not doing what everyone else is
doing, you stand out and become more desirable. People want to work with you
and support your alternative view of the world"
Still feeling like an entrepreneur? It turns out perhaps you
don't have to own a company, already be rich and famous, you can be you or me?
"Give something extra, tell stories and be charismatic and indispensable"- well I think two out of those three could mean I fit the bill...the last one
however brings me back to 'the here and now' - or actually 9 months ago when I
'voluntarily' became redundant!
It's also 2 hours later in the day. I've moved from
entrepreneurship to leadership. Why? Because I'm being 'bold, learning and
repeating'...that is, I'm studying again at Uni and an assignment requires me
to 'Act' and build on my knowledge, skills and experience...and challenge my
view of the world.
It is asking me to reflect on myself as a leader, what do I
understand and need to know about myself - heaven forbid I'm 55 if I don't know
now, will I ever? But...who am I today, who have I become, and, how far have I
come in life's journey. More importantly how far do I still have to go? Where
to from here? This week, next week or next year? Hold on a moment...there's still today.
After a shower to wake me up fully - I'm still in my pj's at 11
o'clock. I visit Mum (showered and dressed of course); we go shopping, have a
much needed coffee and as we do, we are trying to make sense of her world, my
world and 'the world'.
The tragedy of planes 'falling from the sky', the excitement of
some happy family news, the worry of impending economic forecasts and
environmental doom and gloom, the joy of new life and love, fear of the future
and, well the best news... football season has begun (LOL).
I return home to study - staying on top of study commitments (for
now); it's all a part of the plan, or is it? Does there have to be a plan? Is this what I want to do now? Will I be a better leader, or become more of an
entrepreneur? Will it make me rich or comfortable?
My vision is none of those, but rather to help people. I want to
facilitate change in myself and others. I want to keep learning...pure and
simple? I have no other great aspiration for my study (although it sits well on
the resume and, publishing a book wouldn't go astray).
Meanwhile...I complete activity 1 (yeah me), a self awareness
task. What does it tell me about being a leader? Am I? Was I? How do I rate
myself? Not surprisingly I sit in the middle of the 'rating' scale. Now the
reading and tasks beg the question...are we born or bred to be a leader? If you
are interested in reading about this you'll find it in Robert N. Lussier,
Christopher F. Achua E (2013) Leadership: Theory, Application, & Skill Development).
In many cases I believe it is both. If I could draw a 'time line
of events' leading to now it is likely to show leadership qualities as far back
as I can remember. I see leadership traits in my family members. I remember
behaving as a leader in play, school years, training and subsequent work roles.
All of them very different contexts, and only a few linked to managerial roles.
For me it is interesting I am sitting 'almost in the middle' of
the scale (rating 1 - 10) suggesting I may not be the next CEO of a multinational
organisation or government department; nor do I aspire to be - no offence to
any of my readers who are, I have great admiration for you. However sitting at
the upper ends of the scale suggests leaders of this capacity have the very
skills I lack, or have little interest, time and patience for...e.g. political
and bureaucratic systems and processes,
complex compliance structures or computer applications...big brother is
watching you, do you get my drift? Perhaps I am a little anti-establishment? Do ya think?
All this said, I am somewhat relieved, yet feeling a sense of
loss of 'what could have been' throughout my varying 'leadership roles and
situations'. Not a loss of income or career but influence and inferiority to
those in the upper 'echelons' or hierarchy. Back to the 'born or bred'
question, perhaps my socio economic background or lack of privileged
upbringing impacted my ability to 'achieve greater management heights'?
My conclusion here is that I was too passionate about my 'causes'
and at times behaved irrationally, or at least emotionally, sometimes
overriding the objectivity required to ensure others 'follow' the cause. In
fact, as I write I am overcome with emotion and some resentment...the biggest
emotion being, relief for what is, not what was or could have been!
Turning the page in my readings, now that I am 'self aware' :-) I
see that being in the middle of the rating scale of a 'born or bread' leader is
not a bad thing. Perhaps this is the same as being an entrepreneur, or not? I
realise I was a leader in many different contexts and job roles - I had
'followers', plans and a vision. I was a mentor (formally and informally) - a
leader collaborates, encourages and motivates, says Lussier et al. From all accounts (and Assignment Task 2) I
decide I have the characteristics and demonstrate the behaviours of a leader
and follower - a good leader is both they say. Most importantly I had the
relationships - networking was my 'fav' past time, still is.
Perhaps I didn't 'fraternise' in the right circles or transition
smoothly through political or compliance driven change, but I am confident I
managed change for myself, the teams I worked with and the clients for whom I
advocated. Herein ends the first lesson (readings and learning activities in fact).
It is 3pm, I'm exhausted - too much thinking and not enough doing
- too much sitting at a computer. My time is mine today, I choose to have a
power nap, for two hours! At first I feel worse for the sleep so I make a juice
with tumeric and ginger, to help the arthritis that has settled in my hip
apparently.
I begin to walk around my home torn between more readings and
sorting the spare room, making phone calls addressing 'investment' in my future
- like, superannuation, review home and health insurance quotes and, my 'BHAG'
(big, hairy, audacious goal) of owning a book cafe.
I shouldn't sit again, so instead I do none of that and hop on my
bike - a cheap, vintage looking bike with no gears and make my way to the bike
path heading for the beach...now that feels better and brings me back to a good
zone in my life. I smell the fresh sea air and get a good dose of Vit D. My
2015 'emotional target' (thank you Anthony Robbins robbinsmadanestraining.com)is
to pay attention to myself...tick.
Back home with a new attitude and feeling energetic. I make the
phone calls and now wait for call backs and quotes (LOL). I sit outside with a
cup of tea and read another chapter of my text book (another zone and goal I
can tick today).
So where does today lead me? I have a plan, some 'goals,
solutions and I'm taking action' (Strategic Intervention - Anthony Robins). Day
by day (Colleen Hewitt, 1970 something?); week by week. Today has been
emotional but I know I am strong (thank you Helen Reddy, also 1970 something?)
if not invincible. I have free time, and I'm able to rest and reflect - I
organise my thoughts (blogs are such genius) and ideas, plan and help others. I
am managing life in the present and after 9 months of redundancy I am right
where I want to be - or am I?
Life wasn't meant to be easy (whoever said that, is also genius);
am I in control? Sometimes, but I am 'building and anchoring' myself while
'honouring my grief'. Yes a redundancy is a time spent grieving (today is an
example of such a time). The honeymoon phase is over, it's like breaking up
from a long term relationship of 23 years.
The future as a 'senior citizen' looms large...so there is only
one way to approach it I think - we can all imagine, dream and plan our BHAG's
to create meaning and purpose. What we need is a 'doable' plan, To make the
dream a reality...we have options and if we 'think, act and repeat' the steps
in our plan until...well, until the day we may need to start all over again, or when one day we can say with confidence "I made it, I am an entrepreneur, I
am living the dream".
'It's
impossible said pride
It's
risky said experience
It's
pointless said reason
I'll
give it a try whispered
the heart"
(Pintrest)
