We are constantly reminded to be vigilant about
media exposure of our children to violence, sex, drugs, the lifestyles of the
rich and famous and reality TV; and its effects on their emotional and physical
health (eg self esteem, pressure to conform etc).
Well just take a look at prime time TV, flick the
remote over between 8.30 and 10pm , which are not unreasonable times for teens
to be up and around, and see how much 'murder and mayhem' light up the screen! You
can cross a number of channels of an evening and each is centred around violence!
Even Neighbours and Home and Away, who
go from the sublime to the ridiculous, expose teens (and under) to rape,
abduction, theft, alcoholism and stalkers to name but a few!
We just need to watch or read the news to know
these are today’s reality and probably yesterdays; and yes, we can turn the TV
off - only to move to the computer...or of course, read a book! But why do
these stories interest adults so much, and enough to argue that CSI Miami is
better viewing than Big Brother? I hear
that they are 'well written' stories,
they are just fiction - Well, I’m sorry,
maybe as a parent I did succumb to ‘peer’ pressure, but my teens seemed to cope
better with viewing, reading and discussions centred around the different
sexual attitudes, values and behaviour of the ‘young people’ in Big Brother
than criminal activities and murder investigations!
I understand the fantasy and creative nature of the
writing, drama and production (more so in books), but...we complain computers
and TV override conversation, how do you explain the evening news let alone the
dramatic events of a scene in Criminal Minds flashing across the screen? Unless
of course your teen is interested in criminal law or forensic science, then
perhaps it is educational - grasping at straws here?
And another very sore if not aside point – some
time ago I inadvertently listened to Graham Cornes and Co and could not believe
the disrespectful, discriminatory language used by the more ‘mature’ men (I
won’t say old) who should know better! If we want our children, especially our
boys to respect women, then don’t expose them to these ‘ex’ footy or cricket
players (do I use the term heroes?) turned media personalities – although I haven't
ever heard Mark Bickley speak in this manner and I can't imagine Michael Clark
will either?
The job of parenting is a challenge at the best of
times, especially when your teens and young adults rebel against your attitudes
and values and see themselves as invincible. My teen parenting years were just
on the brink of social media technology, this partly explains my early uptake
of Facebook - what do they say? If you can't beat them, join them...it was also
my excuse for watching 'Home and Away' in its early years - now both are
probably an addiction I am yet to conquer :-) LOL
Parents should be informed, and perhaps formally
educated and trained to be able to effectively and responsibly parent their
children; we must be good role models - not perfect, just good - and remember
we make mistakes too?
While I have knowledge, work experience (early
child hood and teaching profession), parenting skills and life experience including a 24 and
28 year old yr old who survived their teen years - with or without media, the
key to my 'success' (even if I must say so myself) is: treat your children with
respect, set reasonable limits, admit
when you are wrong, keep an open mind, talk and listen to them - not sure I
always got that one right!
Back to the original point of being vigilant about
media exposure... it was for me a balance of advice, guidance, communication,
choice (theirs, not always mine) and an acceptance that I could not always
control their viewing. We enjoyed
routine times in our busy mornings i.e. breakfast together - always with a pot
of tea on the table and TV off. We discussed the day's events around the dinner
table - our highs and our lows, again with the TV off. We had nightly TV time
together (yes Home and Away or Big Brother) and we always kissed each other
good night or good bye in the mornings. To this day we never fail to finish a
conversation with 'I love you', even if it's in a text (moving with
technology); and we have a saying from 'Little Britton' (which was annoyingly
funny and you either loved it or hated the show), that is "I love you more
than cupcakes" .
If I could
turn back time, I would add more music, books, travel and live theatre - and
worry less ;-) Good luck to my young friends with teens, it's that last one
that is the biggest challenge of parenting children.
Apparently research now tells us that it is "the
little things that will be long remembered" so here are some hints and
tips that don't involve social or media of any kind (unless you want to Google
it yourself ;-) LOL) adapted for teens (originally for young children - can be
for both, why stop because your child turns 13!)
adapted from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/singletons/201411/the-one-thing-parents-don-t-need-stress-about
1.
Good Morning. Initiate (maintain) a wake-up routine: several kisses, hugs, a
parent singing a made-up alarm song, or sending the dog or cat to jump on your
teens bed. If they push you away, or get cranky (you or them) - well...crank up the volume of their
'fav' song on the radio and wait for them to grace you with their presence -
above all, avoid confrontation - you will not win!
2.
May I Have This Dance? After dinner turn on some music and dance with your children
for a few minutes. Do this in the supermarket and watch your teen - they can't
help but smile, if not run in the other direction!
3.
Two Sugars. Ask your teen to join
you for a “cup” of coffee or tea - just home in the back yard/pergola or lounge
room/kitchen - a 'cool cafe' if affordable - take any opportunity.
4.
Have breakfast together. Set the table at breakfast and tea
time
5.
You Name It. Meatless Mondays, Fishy Fridays, or Kid-Choice Wednesdays.
Naming the meal day tells children what is for dinner and becomes a unique part
of growing up in your family. Better still, ask your teen to do the cooking -
do the dishes together even with a dishwasher!
6.
Newsmakers. Discuss a current event nightly or once a week. Select topics
of interest to teens: record-breaking sales, an outstanding athletic
performance, a medical discovery, or an ecological advance.
7.
Nightly Fanfare. Have a quick bedtime ceremony even if it’s only a certain way
of puffing the pillow or patting your child’s head. Respect your child's wishes if this is not 'cool', but always say
'goodnight, I love you' even if from a distance
8.
Sit near/with your teen - even if they
are on the computer, watching TV (something you don't agree with), reading a
book - be in close proximity occasionally; keep your views to yourself - speak
when spoken to ;-) - if this isn't the 'done thing' then take the moments you
are driving them somewhere - they are a captive audience (or you are!); enjoy
the silence or ask a few strategic questions - this might be the only
conversation you have for a few days? Take it!
9.
Attend occasions/events - you've
probably been doing this already with sporting and family events - but don't
stop when they 'come of age' i.e. have a license - they probably still like to
look up and see you 'scoring' or cheering them on - just appreciate the fine
line you have as parent, coach and supporter in 'life'
Newman, Susan. 2014 Little Things Long Remembered:
Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day. New York: Iron Gate
Press
