Busy people, tired people, grumpy people; on the tram, in the street and at the shops. Not a soul raises their eyes or looks up to smile. A man sits next to me, a little 'shabbily' dressed, at first I cringe a little. He says "it looks like its gonna rain later hey?" I warm to this man a little and we strike up a conversation. I know nothing about him. Do I have any reason to be suspicious? At the next stop a young girl perches herself opposite, rubs her flushed cheeks and wipes her eyes before pulling her scarf tighter around her neck and glued to her phone. If she had looked across I would have smiled to acknowledge her presence.
Has it ever been any different, or have we become fearful of our safety, absorbed by technology or embarrassed to acknowledge others in public places? Are we so tired, stressed and self absorbed not to notice the tears rolling down the cheek of the young girl sitting opposite?
Will a paleo, wheat or sugar free diet, meditation, attending weekly church services and exercising 30 mins a day (with a personal trainer in tow) really change the way we behave in our daily interactions with people in the street or our neighbours? Will these things alone prolong our life? Will they make us a better person in a world that seems consumed with waging war against others, working tirelessly to pay the mortgage or wanting to make money to have 'material things' or go to places our mothers (or perhaps their mothers) only dreamed of?
Later...
Next to me in the cafe people arguing and interrupting each other. He insists their work here is done. She doubts others will engage and anticipates resentment. He says 'this is how I have done it before'. She brings the conversation to an abrupt end and he says "you always have to have the last word" (I've heard that before). She says, "I just don't think it will work this time" (and has the last word).
We are all experts in something and make decisions based on our world view, culture, experience, background, knowledge and skills. These are usually valid and in the best interests of 'another' who also has a world view. What happens when these are different and conflict? What happens when we change the way we behave?
It seems both the cafe people are experts in their own right; both know best, but one thinks they know better. Politicians, journalists and public opinion analysts seem to know better than us, and the callers on morning radio or 'commentators' on facebook and twitter are absolutely experts in every field; from football, education, health, business, politics and religion of course! Listen to the way they speak to each other, the expression, the tone and the body language (if viewing).
In our day to day or work situations we are expected to: negotiate, be willing to listen and consider the view of others (and the list goes on) and show empathy, understanding and (fill in your own gaps). At a world and international level it seems we use authority, money, land, religion and send young men and women to war (or is that on a mission Tony?) while 'old men and a few women' sit in their offices (or business class) and make decisions - after being democratically elected.
Watch Q&A Monday at 9.30 and see how Christopher Pyne or Wayne Swan discuss, dissect and denigrate the very cultural, economic and social fabric of society and observe the twitter feed across the screen. Watch how they behave. Where does their knowledge come from? How is it possible for politicians and corporate or media moguls to know so much better than we who are experts in our own field?
I saw this on social media recently "Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behaviour does"... it makes you wonder about the beliefs of some TV, political, 'corporate' personalities and social media commentaries (and how they behave or portray themselves) treat each other? Have you watched question time in parliament lately? We advocate for young children to resolve conflict constructively and training managers to 'implement effective communication' in the workplace (confused emoticon should go here) so why do we see such aggression, name calling and vindictiveness from the very people we should respect - is it healthy debate or simply a debacle?
So who prunes your roses?
This is a family saying (from a movie) when changing the subject, particularly during one of our own 'heated but healthy' family debates. Once dominated by my brother, sister and me it is now even more raucous and overrun by young adults with a wide range of experience and knowledge (the eldest at 30). All of them (and us, my brother, sister and I) completed year 12 (I didn't say I passed year 12!) or equivalent, some have travelled and lived interstate or overseas, others are or have been to Uni or TAFE, one is married and nearly all are in the workforce. So are they, or we, entitled to our view and to share our knowledge quite so 'absolutely'? Do they (young adults) have enough life experience to be so sure they 'know' - well, I remember at the same age/s pretty much thinking 'I knew it all' - except Geography, French and History; I never really did excel in any of those!
Often during these debates there is one person who has the strongest view who is not always able to make her voice heard as much these days, but whose opinion we all value and at times underestimate. My Mum...Mrs Forbes Says...you may remember her if you read the advertiser sometime in the nineties.
Mum wrote weekly public opinion columns after being discovered from one letter to the editor. The letter reflected her view of the state government at that time and how certain media personalities better represented South Australia in tourism, marketing, media and business than politicians. Rex Jory (editor) thought she was spot on and yet where did Mum's 'knowledge' come from? Formal or academic study? No. On the job experience? To an extent. Travel? Nope. The World Wide Web? Absolutely not! Life and work experience? Some. Wider reading and research? Well I believe you could say a resounding yes to that.
Mum is an avid reader of mainly novels, biographies or newspapers. She does however love a 'great debate' and you could say looks, listens and learns from others. Mum emphatically states her primary school teacher (she finished schooling in year 7) was the biggest influence on her learning, in particular the 3 r's and history and really engaged her in a love of learning. Mum has a natural ability to draw and paint and was a 'singer' in her day - beating 'Reg Lindsay' for those of you who remember him in a competition. Her creative abilities and skills may well be genetic but Mum puts it mostly down to her early years of play and time spent on her own - she says "I've always loved my own company" - and that is from a person who is one of the most sociable I know.
As a teenager Mum was left taking responsibility for her younger brother's care and education and independence was not foreign to her - later Mum married, had 3 children, and well, the rest they say is history. My point here (sorry Mum it was starting to sound like a eulogy - I know this will make you laugh when you read it) is: Mum perhaps didn't achieve highly in the stakes of education, sport or pursue her passions and 'natural abilities' but she does have 'tacit and episodic' knowledge that is, she is able to learn through knowing and telling, reading, writing or listening to the stories of a wide range of people and information.
My blogs are not necessarily founded on research or explicit knowledge, although most of it would at some time link to wider reading, research and study. I mostly exclude references because my aim is to 'speak from the heart, although the head always seems to get in the way of a good story (smiley emoticon). I use knowledge gained from experience and wider reading that becomes entwined or intrinsic in my 'view of the world'.
Weeks have gone by since I started this blog and the debates in our family, with friends and in the media continue to 'rage' about, well you name it? Conversations about the state of the world and the news at hand seem to be creating 'fierce' debate, sadness and concern. I've even engaged in a debate with my sister about correct grammar in the media - I lost because she is an English teacher, and has the 'expert' knowledge, so I never had a hope (I'm pretty sure my sister will laugh when reading this too!).
I have had conversations with friends saying doubt and fear is creeping in to their everyday life, confusion too - cultural and ethnic diversity in a western world seems to have people of all 'sense and sensibility' questioning 'should we or shouldn't we ask women to remove the Burqa'. We all have a world view, rightly or wrongly however I can almost bet we are being influenced by the government and media through propaganda and fear campaigns.
The behaviour of extremist groups is deplorable and to most inexplicable. It is giving adults and children alike nightmares, and one cannot imagine the grief of the families left to make sense of such inhumane behaviour simply (well, simply is no doubt an 'under exaggeration) to 'prove to world leaders' they are wrong and should not be involved or intervene. That I daresay is a very narrow view or explanation of what is happening literally as we speak.
My niece is fast becoming an 'expert' in such matters including the law, ethics, culture, history and politics and never the 'twain shall meet' I expect? We believe this young lady is one who was born to make a difference to the state of the world, whether directly or indirectly. But then, don't we all? However I entrust the conversations I have with her are based on her semantic knowledge and will listen to her first before I believe what I read in the media. I believe her knowledge and experience - which includes living within a community of culturally diverse young men and women (ethnicity and lifestyle) away from their families - will impact not only on her career choice (the world will be her oyster) but directly on world issues especially 'women in politics'.
So who do you trust?
The past year and half have seen family and friends facing their own personal tragedies, sadness and health challenges. They have gathered information (many using the World Wide Web!) and from experts using their explicit knowledge to find answers and make decisions. They literally entrust their lives to these people who have studied and become experts in their field. So who are we to question? In some cases we are completely within our rights to do exactly that...because we also know. We know from our experiences, our bodies, thoughts, feelings and our day to day life. And yes...we know from social media, public opinion and our own view of the world.
None the less, while doctors, lawyers, historians etc, etc (oh yes and politicians) 'should know, and we hope they know'; let's leave the world economy, environment, political and humanitarian decisions to: well, I suppose religious or world leaders and their 'advisors' to advocate and act in our best interests. Meanwhile 'you and I' (or is that you and me - kidding, in case my sister is still reading - can't resist an LOL) will make a difference in our work, family, friends and community (perhaps the 'wider world') because we have areas of expertise through study, work and life experiences.
Debates with family and friends help us to make sense of a very complicated world knowing that not one of us is the expert. Reading and researching, formal learning, joining in social /public media will keep changing or affirming our view and we are (in our part of the world) able to speak freely and have an opinion. So I will look forward to our next family gathering to debate issues from all over the world and across many areas of life. We will get annoyed, will be strong in our views, will become louder and louder but we will laugh and enjoy good food and company. I will be reminded of the importance of family, trust and respect. I will observe the 'self actualisation' of my children, nieces and nephews' and be as proud as the punch we serve with our meal.
Back to the beginning
I started this blog with observations of people on the tram, in cafes and the shops. This lead to asking questions about our levels of trust, safety, security and stress in today's modern world. I continued with observations of people 'communicating' again showing the strain of today's society and continued with thoughts about how we make sense of the world and the issues that surround us in our day to day life and the media. I will finish with this...sometimes things don't make sense. Sometimes we make sense of 'our world' through our beliefs, knowledge and experience. Let's hope we continue to be a 'free society' to express our views, gain new knowledge and influence the behaviour and lives of others, whether in a small or big way. Let's be open to new ideas, listen to the wisdom of others - let's love our family and 'love thy neighbour' and make a difference to just one person today. Recently a friend who has a 'sad' prognosis due to an aggressive cancer said she would like to write a book, and that I was her inspiration. That was powerful and humbling.
So...go on, look up from your phone, or computer screen and smile at the person next to you whether in the office, on the tram, in the street or cafe - even speak to them (my mum does and usually makes someone else smile). Call the friend who you haven't spoken to in a while, maybe even someone you thought you couldn't ever forgive due to past 'behaviour'? Maybe you will have a 'butterfly effect' on someone's day and prevent them from anger or assist their pain or grief by some 'divine intervention' - you never know what someone else is experiencing in life at a given moment. Live in the present and be mindful of what you do, what you say...and be aware of the powerful affect your behaviour has on your own life and the life of others. NB: I just looked up from my screen and couldn't attract anyone's attention with a smile or a nod, but I did ask the 'service assistant' how her day is going and I said thank you to the girl who picked up my coffee mug. Not much in the big scheme of things, do I feel better...hell yes.
PS After you have read this blog have a media free day, put down the paper or ipad/phone (why not make it a week); get some fresh air and make a cleansing juice (ok, have a cleansing ale, or a red wine is apparently good for you again),
I'm watching a person take off their shoes and paddle in the shallows of the beach, I think perhaps I'll do the same - then I'll return to the 'real world', the modern world...the one that pays my mortgage and allows me the freedom to choose and speak my mind - perhaps it is a 'cool world after all'
Cheers
