This year has been a life changing experience and I am happily continuing my gap year (Dr Susie Linder-Pelz., 2002) calls it a sabbatical, and stepping back to look at what I am doing in life and work. Yet realisation that I am growing older hits home as I learn of my need for a hip replacement...from all reports once it's done I will be ready to grow old at least a bit more gracefully.
Meanwhile I have many passions to explore and new experiences are still possible. I am reviving some old ambitions and dreams having made the bold move of leaving a job of 23 yrs. I am spending some quality time with my mum, some like minded friends and juggling some part time work with volunteering and university.
I am keeping in touch with others who recognise my skills and capabilities and trying to sustain a balance by working to live instead of living to work. Surely it can't be that hard? All the books tell you to concentrate on enjoyment and the minor pleasures in life but how do you do that with less money, a mortgage and a few physical 'ailments'?
It is now two months since I left my job and while I have slowed down I'm also starting to 're sharpen the saw' (Covey 1998) to remain in the workforce. I understand that the transition will take time and is testing my patience. Overall I am coping with some ups and downs and finding ways of being considerate of myself and others.
At times though I am struggling with what I should do and how I will need to live to sustain my independence and commitments. I have had a glimpse of joy, growth and fulfilment and although the bank balance is wavering and at times I feel anxious; I am using exercise, meditation and relaxation along with a weekly plan and a good network of friends to 'worry less' and be happy.
In light of some friends experiencing sadness, grief and 'life and death' challenges; I am making living my 'full-time business' (Linder-Pelz.,2002) while trying to sustain a realistic balance and pace myself - I am 'repackaging my career direction' while taking action and opportunities. Easy, no...it is frustrating and at times overwhelming. It can be a double edged sword and I need to remind myself to switch off and try allowing things to happen rather than forcing them; so I am acknowledging the progress I have already made and how lucky I am in my life.
Today I'm walking down the beach in beautiful sunshine and yet wrapped in a scarf, gloves and a beanie. My goal today is this blog - I am half way there! This is also my day to reflect and go with the 'flow' of the day. I choose to pick up my daughters dog for a visit to my place where I also invite my daughter home for lunch.
Meanwhile...
It seems I am in the middle of a stage of development known as 'Generativity vs Stagnation' (Ericson) meaning we care for others, have empathy and show concern for/foster a sense of community. This is approx 26 - 65 yrs of age. While parenting is clearly a time for this stage to evolve, so too is midlife ... I am engaging in many conversations about the state of the world including the economy, politics and humanity; and what a state we are in. In fact many of us are finding the shocking, and unbelievable acts of cruelty going on in the world difficult to reconcile with the world we live in, particularly as 'baby boomers'.
Sensationalism, journalism, socialism, capitalism and fanaticism - whether we are tweeting, reading or viewing it, somewhere in the world a child/ren is hungry, a family is grieving, a soldier is fighting, a soldier (or journalist!) is dying, the weather is changing, storms are killing, people are committing crimes of genocide and suicide...so how dare I complain, feel sad, sorry or have regrets? What right do I have to such comforts, pleasures and enjoyment when there is so much suffering?
Mostly there are are few answers to these questions, however my circle of influence is limited, I am not a politician, economist or environmentalist (perhaps I should be more of the latter!). However I do care and I love my family and endeavour to give back to the society in which I live - this is a time in my life where I can do some things outside of my day-day work, life and family so last week I volunteered for the Cancer Foundation and the week before walked 'with the homeless' to raise awareness and funds for worthy causes and people. Everyone at some stage will be affected by cancer and most of us with our first world problems, couldn't imagine being homeless. This week I will 'give blood' to Red Cross (no, I will not tip a bucket of iced water over my head - a current fascination for many; and for a good cause - providing the donations reach their 'real destinations').
I have amazing friends and family who 'do more for less' and contribute in many ways in their local community, family and workplaces - others who work in remote communities, are missionaries in orphanages; and some who want to do more but like me, their circle of influence (and money or time) is limited.
Many have faith - religious and spiritual; and we attempt to raise our level of consciousness; we lobby politicians about things that affect us and our children, families and friends - and yet in many ways we are desensitised to the actions and reactions of war, atrocities, murder and mayhem around the world. Research suggests (sorry I'm not going to prove it here) that historically the world has suffered in our past more than we do today - others believe nothing much has really changed in all the centuries and yet others convince us things just 'seem worse' because it appears daily in our lounge-rooms! This I tend to believe to be true, and choose on many occasions not to read, tweet or view the media sources that sensationalise (probably with good intent) the suffering.
How do we make sense of all this and 'rationalise' how we respond? What should we do or how can we help? In one word perhaps: 'perspective'! Ok maybe another one: 'choice'? Well perhaps it takes more than one or two words to 'still the voices in your head' that scream "I should be doing more to help" or "how terrible, that's awful' and appease some of the 'first world guilt' we feel for being born into our culture, world, lifestyle or family. Tania Kindersley and Sarah Vine (2009) describe this very dilemma and suggest we stop trying to be perfect for a start and "...step away from impossible demands...not everyone is cut out to save the children of Africa, but you can pick up the telephone when someone you love is in despair and listen - this is not nothing".
I shared a post on Facebook recently apparently 'Mother Theresa's words: "Do you want to solve the worlds problems? Then go home and love your family" and I'm adding "do the best you can in your own back yard".
Kindersley and Vine describe some of the things we should not take for granted eg the sun, the sky, laughter, water and electricity. They also suggest you acknowledge that basically 'you are a decent human being but not perfect...you do not have to do the whole warm, worthwhile, human being affirmation gig'. Reference to this is on p. 167 if you ever find this book - I did for $2 and think it's the best 'not a self help book or manual' (described in their introduction) I've ever come across. It is conversational and doesn't profess to be 'correct' but rather 'make you feel that you are alright' in the big scheme of things - I'm hoping these blogs do the same for you?
Aside from breaching copy right and simply transcribing from their book I will share a few snippets with you that have normalised and supported my beliefs/philosophy, behaviour, thinking and life in general in my 'middle age' - in case you're wondering it is a lengthy but a well researched book. Interestingly they are not psychologists but damn good writers representing the views of 'contemporary' females.
A summary of their perceptions (through my eyes)
trust your instincts
be kind; respect others
be civil; have good manners
acceptance (of self, others and situations)
compromise
love your friends, your self (as you would your friends)
reflect; sleep; slow down
be brave
play music (listen in my case)
stop counting calories; savour delights; take pleasure in good food (and health)
have ambitions (but be aware of the dangers - eg working too hard/long)
balance work and life (realistically); be aware that failure is a part of success
find the gap between your dreams; examine them; dismantle them; start them over again
make informed decisions
have the courage to change; or find it by consulting with others; don't get too lost in 'doubt and fear'
do not be bullied into anything; canvass opinions then trust your instincts
revel in your choice and freedom to choose; both as women and in this country
politics is not perfect ; but it does matter (still reading that chapter to be convinced!)
shop in your local community, local businesses
grow veges at home and recycle
be aware of managing your debt
I'll finish (as I'm talking to mostly my female friends or their friends) with this from their back cover: 'As someone once said. Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astair did - only she did backwards and in high heels".
The book in case you are wondering is called "Backwards in High Heels - the impossible art of being female". I am moving on to the next chapter called 'Motherhood and Family" and suspect I could be writing it; and I am avoiding the chapters about Money, Grief and "Ageing" but I hope I will get to that, one way or another...!
Cheers and 'love your family' x
