"New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings (Lao ZU. dennisselisseth.com)
How do you move on from painful endings? At what point in life, work or love should you stop what you are doing, stop worrying or leave it all behind and find a new beginning? How do you move 'from fear to courage'? I know the books will tell you many times over and phrases such as:
"Just do it"
"Believe in yourself"
"You can do it",
"It's never too late"
"You are never too old to set another goal"
"You must do the things you think you cannot do"
"Shoot for the moon"
These are sayings courtesy of Nike, C.S. Lewis, Eleanor Roosevelt and anonymous (and numerous) others, but they are starting to leave me a bit cold! Yesterday I had a moment where this saying was apt..."my mind doesn't just wander, sometimes it F%#s off completely (know idea where that saying came from, other than FaceBook, but I like it!)
The quote from cheryl.richardson.com "Welcome in the new and bless the old as it gently falls away" is also a personal favourite as I wait for the 'old to make up it's mind' (emoticon, emoticon and another emoticon needed here, but an exclamation mark will have to do!)
The reality is many of these sayings seem to come 'after success' or painful endings and make it sound easy, quick and with little effort. It is also said that "it's never to late to learn"; change, retrain or start something new - so how do you know when it is time or worth the pain or risk?
Possibly frightening thoughts and questions at any time in life, and I still don't have all the answers (well a few maybe)...but the over 50's seem to be doing it tougher than any other time during the lifespan. No doubt I'm observing this because I am in my fifties, but society and the 'lifespan' is changing to include the things we thought only affected us when we left school or work and training in our teens and twenties. I hear many of my over 50 friends saying "By now I thought I'd know what I was doing" or this "By now I thought I'd be happy and content" and by no means last "By now I thought I wouldn't have to worry (about the kids, the mortgage, employment)".
Recently I decided to fulfill my ambition (since turning 40 at least) of studying Psychology. Well so far, having given it my best shot in the first semester I am taking a break and 'letting it be', and if it's meant to be I will return to 'just do it'. But hell, it aint gonna be easy so is it truly worth the angst I keep asking my self? Stephen King says "The scariest moment is always just before you start", well in this case it was after I started. University at 50+ is a scary moment indeed.
My decision to defer came after a melt down (not the first) in the computer lab doing statistics. I was watching the 18-20 'somethings' who were clicking their mouse, talking about 'stats' as if it was a topic they dealt with everyday, and analysing the data with confidence and hope for their future. I, meanwhile was sitting some distance away from them with both tears and sweat trickling down my face (stress and hormones!) thinking WTF am I doing? None of them noticed, and if they did chose to ignore, and I chose to leave before I embarrassed myself with full blown hysteria. The pressure valve was about to burst.
Instead I left to sit quietly in the courtyard outside and phone 'a friend' (my sister) knowing she would let me blubber and reassure me I wasn't going crazy and there is no sense in adding to the stress of life, for now at least - maybe later! I decided then that "it's okay to have a melt down, just don't unpack and live there, cry it out and then refocus on where you are headed"(Pintrest 2014); and...where is that exactly I ask myself?
I'm not quite an empty nester and I still have a working life ahead of me. I support my Mum's 'elder care'; my daughters 'learning, life and career journies'; and I am managing my own 'health care plan' to ensure a quality of life as I 'age'. Around me I see others managing stress and grief much worse than my own so I also choose to support them when and if I'm able - and perhaps it is time to volunteer my support for others in the community and explore new possibilities.
At least this is where I think I might be headed for now and these are things I need to focus on. In many ways I am already successful in 'life', and while none of these will make me famous or rich, they are important to me, my family, community and quality of life. Nonetheless, they don't pay the bills either...so I still plan to explore new possibilities and revive my goals (as in previous blogs) while I keep sharing or writing about 'surviving and thriving' during a career, or mid life crisis.
It seems over 50 means taking the time to break some old patterns and expectations of yourself, work, life and aging. It is fair that we keep working on ourselves and 'who we want to be, or what we want to do', but it may also be time to stop 'sweating the small stuff' and do or try things that are not so difficult to manage, yet add an exciting quality to life and to live (where possible) in the present.
I will draw inspiration from others, or find the courage to take 'action' to do something I love or want to do while recognising 'doing things you didn't think you could or should' take time and will nearly always be worth the effort. Remind me I said that if or when I resume studies?
But for now these sayings from Pintrest seems to suit life while I settle into or find solutions to my midlife/career changes:
"Starting today, I need to forget what's gone, appreciate what still remains and look forward to what's coming next"
"I am learning to trust the journey even when I do not understand it" (Mila Bron year unknown)
and finally this:
"Today I will live in the moment, unless it is unpleasant, in which case I will eat cookie" (unknown, but very apt!)
