My office, it was meant to be my office. a place where I could work at home, a creative 'hub' to be more productive and maintain my sanity. Somewhere household issues would not impede on my work; somewhere I could relax and yet work efficiently. It is a room where I can seclude myself in an 'office frame of mind’; well at least it was 2 years ago. The mat that lay in the middle of the room and the book case have gone; the neatly arranged storage boxes are now sagging and bulging with too much inside and on top of them.
Well it's lunchtime and I have managed to rearrange the clutter while the cat sleeps quite contentedly on an old couch waiting for a buyer on Gumtree. Some of it has been repacked and moved to the 'shed', relocated to other parts of the house or reorganised in another corner of the same room. At least now the desk is clear except for the myriad of books that promise to help me: steer by starlight, find my destiny; manage my career crisis and my hormones! Oh and I almost forgot the book 'Growing Old Discracefully', New ideas for getting the most out of life' (The Hen Co-op, 1993).
I'm using these books to remind, re-educate, reflect and re energise me as I begin to realise I am growing old, my brother and sister are older than me, my mother is old (sorry Mum); and my children are getting older. So at some stage we are all growing old and there is never any harm in finding new ideas to get the most out of life. Anyway, isn't age just a state of mind really? And of course as 'age shall not weary them', so those of us who are getting a bit 'weary' are lucky to be looking for our destiny, managing our career and dealing with the hormones - or those of our children, friends and family.
So while I am making a conscious effort to de clutter my office, so too am I making an effort to de-clutter my work and life to create 'simplicity, harmony and opportunity' (Albert Einstein says, or rather said these are the 3 rules of work). Let’s face it, there will always be difficult times, fear and discord as we 'grow older' (and perhaps wiser) so the best we can do is be relentless in our 'pursuit of happiness'.
My pursuit at present is to 'stay present' - to do this I decided to take some leave and nourish my senses through ‘green and fruit’ juices, hypnosis, massage, inspiring books, beach walks and hydrotherapy. I'm learning how to slow down, let go and patiently 'hold the vision and trust the process' in preparation for resuming my work/life balance.
Slowing down isn't as easy as it sounds - first there is the guilt you should be doing something other than meeting a friend for coffee or watching an afternoon 'soapie' and falling asleep. Luxury I hear you say? Well, yes once you realise you don't have to be somewhere or doing something else. Then there is the restlessness where you find yourself pacing, sighing, and procrastinating (should I tidy the office or take a nap?). Sometimes there is anxiety (although that is probably linked to the guilt); have I mentioned agitation? You know there are things to do, a million and one things to do - things you've been promising yourself to do, but you’re too agitated to think clearly and end up doing none of them.
Often during this time I've had on leave (a whole week so far, with at least 6 to go) you find yourself wondering how you have time to clean, sort, tidy, wash, shop, cook (and do it all again), arrange and go to doctors, dentists, physio and podiatrist (for self and Mum).
I watch many of the younger 'Mums' at work or my colleagues who work and study and realise we are just about magicians to squeeze in work, family, relationships and career - let alone community contributions and social events. Something must suffer – and I don’t think it’s our children or even our partners, I think it’s us, (us mostly meaning ‘women who do too much’).
I'm sure I will adapt to this time I'm taking out while I manage my 'career crisis', my underactive and aging hormones and keep looking for my destiny (should I say my next 'destiny'; my first has been surpassed). I'm equally sure I'll look back on this time when I'm juggling these tasks again with work and wonder why I didn't just relax and 'smell the roses' (last time I did that I fell over and broke my ribs and hand!). So perhaps today I will simply use this time and blog just to feel good (about de-cluttering the office a little), relax and live in the present. I'll enjoy the freshly brewed cup of tea that awaits me - perhaps then I'll take a nap :-)
Have a great day
