The next chapter

CHAPTER ONE 

The night was young; 5 years separated these women making her the eldest at 46. She left them   dancing to Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night" and sauntered over to the bass player "wow what a great night, you must be exhausted?"

"Nah not a chance, thanks for coming. Whatchya up to now? " 

Has she had 'too many shots'? The last thing she needs is to be 'blacked out like a blur' - these days you had to be careful you didn't have 'pictures ending up online' of you 'skinny dipping in the dark' which was reminiscent of their 'last Friday night'!

Is this the beginning of the second book? Has this story been 'told' too many times? Are there other stories to be told by other women - I have no doubt. Almost every conversation with friends could lead to a trilogy of 'life, love, tragedy, fear, achievement success and failures' but...that it seems is not enough; so where and how to start the next book?

The beginning: set the scene, grab the readers attention - subtly introduce the characters, outline the 'plot' and plan cathartic story lines, dream, imagine and research ideas...but, where does the next idea come from, the one that will set your book apart from the others?

Songs are amazing; just how someone else captures your life, thoughts and feelings as though it was written for you. Life inspires songs and stories; or do songs and stories inspire 'life'? I want to write a book people relate to, one that inspires others. Should it be 'fact or fiction'? Should it be based on real life now or in the past, or should it be unreal, untrue and far fetched?

Katy Perry's song came many years after spending many 'last friday nights maxing credit cards and trying to join the dots'. Our group of 'sucSEXfully single women knew it would stop one day but until then we had a book to write. And we did! 

It may not be '50 Shades of Grey' for which I have no regret (well except for the million dollar sales) but the scenes were set, the characters were real and the plot always thickened. There were cathartic moments and the research occurred over a decade of potential story lines - some of these stories, the reader might not even believe!

People think the first book is about me, about my friends and some think it is about 'them and their friends'. Others judge the 'characters' and think it is a life they would never, or have never lived - but most know someone they can relate to in the story or are reminded of a time when they too 'lived, loved or lost'.

Writing the first series of blogs and commencing my study of Psychology is inspiring me to write in a 'self help' and personal, professional development book, but has this also been done too many times before? Is it possible that all the books that need to be written, have been? Will we ever reach a saturation point? In my study so far I am reminded of the amazing capacity of the brain - so it seems fair to surmise that there will always be room for at least 'one more book', if not the trilogy!

Perhaps the next book is not mine, but yours? Perhaps these blogs have started you on your path to writing that allusive 'book', the one you always say "I could write a book" - then go on, 'just do it' (sorry I know that one has been used before).

It may not be a best seller, or even find it's way to a bookshelf, and the reward or success may be 'small', but if it makes a difference to you or just one other person, then you have made a difference. As in the saying 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' I think so too is 'success'.

Seize the moment, or should that be the whole god damn day?

Rough waters on board the 'Temptation', a young couple sitting morosely - sea sickness is now obvious. I look at her, 'a whiter shade of pale' and him balancing a beer on his knee. He looks at me watching her; he says "She's sick, I'm just hungover" 

I laugh and she glares at him "Get me...get me...a bag, please!" 

Soon after the sailing attendant (or is that 'deck hand') Tom brings a pink and rather flimsy looking pink bag and a bottle of water. She clutches it as though her life depends on it. 

"Romantic, not" she says looking up at me and managing a faint smile. It was meant to be 'the first day of the rest of their lives'. He tells me they were married yesterday and this is the beginning of their honeymoon. "I told him I get sea sick, but he didn't listen to me".

Oh dear not a good start to their honeymoon - no, make that, not a good start to their life (I really need an emoticon here!). We must listen more to those we care about: to our partners, our friends, our colleagues, our parents and our children. We must take more notice, instead we are often thinking of the next thing to say or the things we want without recognizing or truly responding to our 'significant other'.  Am I speaking for myself?

Further into the sailing trip and still rough waters two more people have their head in the bags and others are clearly 'suffering in silence'. Our party of family and friends seems slightly disappointed in the trip, until...I'm looking for words to describe the amazing sight on the west side of the boat -  burgundy red, burnt orange, no wait, crimson pink, golden, purple and silver. Describing in colour alone is not enough so I am borrowing this description “The sky, at sunset, looked like a carnivorous flower.” 

― Roberto Bolaño, 2666

Even the sea was changing colour from grey, aqua, silver and deep, deep blue. By now we were heading back to the marina and the seas were calming. The young couple were holding hands and she had her eyes firmly cast on the land ahead. He held her hand telling her he was sorry and without losing sight of 'terra firma' she kissed his hand pressing her cheek against it possibly offering him some reassurance that things would be ok. My motherly instinct kicked in and I wanted to give them both a hug, perhaps I should? 

We are back at the dock, night has fallen and the sights and sounds of the open sea are replaced with Christmas lights flashing and the voices of those celebrating the 'festive' season in the bars above. Our niece is asleep on her Dad's shoulder and there are kisses and hugs shared with our family and friends. 

This is a distraction from challenges of day to day life and a pleasure to spend time with those we love and care for - I take that back, it isn't a distraction at all...it is life, and despite the 'challenges' of rough waters, a cloudy, cool day and sea sickness, we have been 'seizing the moment', no make that the 'whole god damn day' <smile, wink> (in place of the illusive emoticons!)

Merry Christmas, have a safe and happy new year - my resolution is to 'listen' and really hear my family and friends. In early childhood education and care, we know it as: notice, recognise and respond or 'wait, follow and name' to truly connect with 'others' <wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more>

Love Judy

The world, war and...football

i could stay for 11 more years doing work that is no longer challenging (in the way I choose); that would give me some financial security or I could do what I really want to do which is:

- work form home and develop a PD/mentoring business

- work from/in my 'book-cafe'

- write reflections on life (mine and others) to publish

I have researched the internet, spoken to others who manage their own businesses, looked into ways of balancing both what I 'have to do' for financial security and what I want to do. I have listed my skills and those I need to learn (or want to!). But I still have fears typical of people making midlife moves away from secure, predictable almost 'corporate' work.

I need reassurance I am not doing something stupid or risky - I want to feel relaxed and calm!

I must acknowledge this is not just my 'writing', nor is just my story' - it is changed in the 'tense' and to be in the 'first person' rather than the 'third' (and my examples of what i want or need)

Credit for the writing goes to Dr Susie Linder-Pelz in 'From Fear to Courage' (2012)

Susie has captured the reflections I have made over the past year - no, make that the past 6...well, lets not put a timeframe on that! 

So if I am to take Susie's advice I must keep revisiting what I am doing to 'transition manageably and successfully, learn more about the business/s I want and make a plan with realistic time frames'

I'm already 'listening to her' by handling the 'worst case scenarios and enumerating the coping strategies' I have put into place...

So here I am today using those strategies - a walk down the beach; breakfast at a cafe; reflections and the best of all so far...observing and listening to my 'surroundings' to live in the 'present' (which we know is why they call it a gift)

Today this includes 3 elderly males discussing the state of the world, war and...football. They have made my day and brought a smile and a tear to my eye (I keep wanting to use emoticons, but must remember to 'use my words'!)

One of these gentleman sounds like he was 'high up in the corporate world' and now retired. He has a beautiful staffy cross 'something' dog with him named Ruby. Ruby was once an abused dog and this mans friend 'rescued' her from the family. She is 2 and 1/2 years old and her wounds are still 'raw' - psychologically that is. You can see as a man walks out the cafe and loses his balance towards Ruby, she cringes, cowers and cries. The friendly man puts his hand towards her and she gingerly sniffs him. The man caring for her today meets her at the door and gently consoles her - as both are reunited she wags her tail and gratefully sits at his feet with her paw up to shake - I think she is saying thank you.

While we talk - by now we are all engaging in a conversation about the world (how cruel it can be), about war (how cruel it can be) and about the football - well you get my drift!  We also talk about the rolling waves of the ocean and the beautiful colours it is today - these men get up to leave and while my hands and head have returned to the key board, they make an effort to say good bye and have a good day. What a pleasant interlude. Now I'm listening to 2 ladies dissecting the muffins they have ordered...literally as they eat them, discussing the ingredients and the last time they ate such beautiful muffins. 

Not that you really care about the ladies conversation but oh how I wish this was 'my cafe' - the young girl clearing dishes from the table is taking time to talk to customers yet the older man who I think is the manager/owner barely acknowledges me as he puts the coffee in front of me - I wish I had an emoticon for that - now the ladies are talking about men and their appetite!

I leave the cafe today to join Mum and take her to a doctors appointment - afterwards we head off for lunch and continue the conversation the gentlemen started this morning and my blog. We change course while we are solving world problems with the focus on our current Prime Minister and what seems to be his latest 'gaff'. I won't bore you with the detail! (an exclamation mark will have to do)

While explaining to Mum about a Blog and its origin of 'web log' shortened to 'blog' she is continually amazed at the skill 'of you young people' and the changing face of technology. The gentlemen this morning and Mum have seen some of the most significant and rapid changes in science and technology, and for that matter in families and society. We must show them more respect for their ability to respond to change or choice not to! (oh dear another exclamation mark - god I miss those emoticons so much; how I've taken them for granted).

Mum is trying to understand the benefits of online banking yet feels her right to 'go to a bank and ensure her money is safely deposited or a post office to pay her bills' is being taken from her - that said, Mum uses an ATM and EFTPOS along with phone banking. For her that is ample choice and I'm inclined to agree as I sit opposite the 'friendly' bank officer trying to explain the internet options available to support Mum - and I'm confused so how will Mum feel?

The best option is to keep Mum informed of her choices, provide her with information and offer suggestions (not advice) and understand that change is scary and difficult. While she may not quite 'embrace using the internet' she accepts that it is part of our world of work, home and play. In fact the remainder of my day will be spent using technology to communicate, connect with colleagues and cope with the changes in my world

An opportunity for radical change

3 months since my first blog so "where am I now? Let me start with the usual reflection...

Well the challenges are still the same and hurt and fear have been replaced by ambivalence - I no longer enjoy my field of work and my values barely fit those of the organisation. I wonder if they ever really have? There is the impression that opportunities to progress are less and 'ambiguity' seems to be the only certainty. I feel like a 'round peg in a square hole'...have I said that before? 

Insomnia has returned and there is a constant 'pain in my neck' - the latter is more likely due to falling twice in the last 2 months, no alcohol involved. I must watch my step in future! 

So while I am still facing uncertainty I must now turn to the strengths of my work, career and life if I am to move forward and be ready for some radical change. Susie Linder Pelz says I need to move "from fear to courage' so here's the action I am taking...

In difficult or tense situations I am remaining calm and showing humility as I make every effort to clarify what I want, what interests me or what needs to be done to do the best job I can - some days this is easier said than done.

On that note what does still interst me? 

- people and their actions or reactions 

- writing (would you have guessed?)

- working independently 

- networking 

What needs to be done to do the best job I can?

- supporting colleagues 

- planning, resourcing and managing a project (I'll spare you the detail here)

- supporting students

- development and production of resources ( skip more detail)

- reporting to managers/teams

That'll do...

Not enough?

Within these roles there are a thousand daily or frequent tasks that also need to be done. My colleague refers to these as 'eating your brussel sprouts'...the recording, the documenting, organizing, adding, checking and reading or checking the data and records. In this age of technology we are told or want to believe computer information and communication is efficient, effective and sustainable. 

Yet day in and day out I experience and observe the frustration that mounts from 'eating brussel sprouts' and using computer and information systems. It appears that manager-executives themselves aren't confident in the systems, processes and sometimes (ok often) the people/programs in the organisation that create them - and it is the people that use them who are left with a bad taste; unless you like brussel sprouts which of course some people do.

We have 'you beaut, latest and greatest' systems sometimes replacing true and tried programs and processes - we replace people or make them redundant; we combine people and programs and we are doing 'more with less'. We spend more time at our computers and sometimes forget we have telephones or that we can communicate as humans were designed originally...in person! 

We feel guilty spending time talking or relating to others - we feel pressure to sit at our desks 9-5 (and we know that is not good for us) and we are afraid to use initiative, common sense or even make a mistake for fear of 'spoiling the brussel sprouts' or never being able to choose our favourite vegetable. 

We fear retribution, redundancy and litigation - we are ruled by audits, bureaucracy and technology; we  are competitive, not by nature...but by politics and a corporatist approach to education and training, instead of a personable, individual and relationship based approach. How much longer can we reduce funding, and resources before we are nothing but a robotic and automated, on line and one size fits all organisation?

Where do we draw the line between economics, rationalism, efficiency and sustainability? Where have all the people gone? We seem to be losing integrity, faith and confidence in the fundaments of our 'institute' as an education and training foundation for gaining, building and recognizing skills. Instead of a fine dining experience we seem to be serving 'meat and 3 veg'.

So that said, what are the steps forward for me personally? 

I'm using my reflections and vision board to picture having a 'modular' career and I am optimistically researching leases and cafe businesses for sale. 

Recently I supported a friend to pursue her interests as she changes her career 'post redundancy' and although 'no charge' see scope for launching a mentoring and coaching (career, training and development) consultancy. 

I have committed to studying Psychology in 2014 and returned from a 9 day cruise to the South Pacific. I let go of checking emails for 10 days and the world continues to go round.

I will keep visualising the ideal working week in 'detail and colour' (Linder-Petz p15) and understand it 'takes courage to change' - future decisions may not be as rational or logical as my 'Libran brain' would prefer and my fears may remain the same: making wrong decisions and financial insecurity - however I will review options and consider 'best case' and 'worst case' scenarios while knowing I am worthy of success and happiness.

Meanwhile as I psyche myself up to return to work after leave I will continue to manage the 'crisis in my career' and imagine my future in 'full colour' knowing some things will be in my control and others I will leave to fate! I am also 'enjoying the little things in life because one day I will realize they were the big things' (entertainment website facebook 2013) and despite appearances I plan to 'think a little less and live a little more'

And finally....

WHAT? ME, WORRY?

There are some things in life you can change and problems you can solve...there are some you can't and some you choose not too. 

Some of the solvable problems I am working on are:

- find ways to make sure my expenditure isn't exceeding my income (sound familiar)

- coping with change at work

- balancing my family life with study and career

- dealing with difficult situations (some frustrating, disappointing and some sad)

I reflect on, worry about and solve these problems year after year and day after day...and then I worry about my children's lives and try to solve their problems! And now...I worry about my Mum's aging and try to help her face her fears, manage her pain and stay positive.

No wonder I am sometimes exhausted, stressed, sad, angry, tired or disillusioned with life - and this list is by no means complete!

If you are my family or friends reading this, don't worry, I am ok! If you are not then I simply hope 'talking' about this with you will help, or give you some strategies for coping with similar 'problems' life may be throwing at you.

Most days and weeks (probably years) I am content with the life I lead, the people in it and the choices or decisions I make - and somehow I manage to finish daily tasks, take responsibility for my own actions, cope, and deal with the everyday and sometimes complex situations within my life, work and family.

I am still learning I can't solve or change some of my children's and now Mum's problems but I can  model some of the best possible solutions, make mistakes along the way and live every precious moment of 'my very fortunate life'.

Throughout my life as an employee, wife, mother, daughter, sister, teacher, friend, student and manager I have found 'tried and true' techniques for solving or at least managing problems - some are foolproof, some come to a standstill or dead end, however all of them give me courage, faith, hope and confidence to stop, carry on regardless or prosper.

I have always taken time to identify 'privately, professionally or publicly' my concerns and options - and  I nearly always write them down - this encourages reflection,  brainstorming ideas with others (and listening) in order to gather information, ideas or troubleshoot issues both at work and home.

Negotiating all the options and making time to discuss things with others (debrief) or seeking support for feelings/worries eg with trusted friends, family or counsellors enables me to focus on the present, plan for the future and search for ways I may be able to ontribute or ease the 'situation' for myself or others.

At present I am anxious about staying in the same job for 22 years as my philosophies in life and at work are changing. So now I am:

- keeping my desired outcomes in mind and taking small steps (even when unhappy)

- keeping my own best interests in mind - taking time out for myself each day/week

- doing 5 things each week that help achieve my 'dreams' or positive outcomes

I reflect each day/week and find the advantages of these strategies are:

- helping me to feel more confident and 'empowered' to contribute to decisions or solving problems 

- feeling like I have 'done something' to control the 'best and worst' outcomes

- able to cope better with a variety of outcomes and maintain my 'dignity'

- to know I have support and information 

- to relax and stay calm

- to keep working towards achieving my goals - eg consultancy business; book; cafe

- helping me to prioritise

- helping to maintain a 'healthy attitude' and physical/emotional health

- helping to take positive actions and steps

 Best of all I know I will survive! 

"I have all I need to exist right now"

Of course as with all problem solving strategies there are disadvantages to reflecting while you are 'living in the present' and coping or dealing with the problems, for example 

- reflecting on problems at work may bring up past 'issues' or feelings eg not being recognised or valued

- you may cry at work and feel embarrassed  

- expressing your 'fear, angst, sadness' and anger may cause 'conflict' or others to be less tolerant

- you may not achieve all that you hope you will

- it may cause more anxiety or uncertainty!

However in my life time of work, career and relationships if you keep your reflections in context with the situation and take action (small steps or huge risks) you will at the very least find the pain eases. 

The problem is usually shared, solutions are found and you can begin to see and feel 'a light at the end of the tunnel', or perhaps worry less. It may help you to live in and accept the present as it is, achieve your future goals or change direction completely.

Debriefing with friends is always helpful as most often they have been in a similar situation; keep in mind though they too have their own problems and be sure you reciprocate and 'listen' intently. Perhaps more importantly take time to share good times, relaxation and fun with friends to appreciate 'life, love and laughter' which are sometimes the best medicine when the chips are down.

Connect with a Manager or colleague at work to seek support - and not only state your concerns but also the desired outcomes eg prioritise 'tasks to be done'; give them an update of your work and intentions or recommendations; asking for their input and feedback. 

Importantly keep yourself well, healthy and positive (an 'eat, drink and be merry' kind of approach to life ) while you implement your plans for the future. Accept that change is inevitable or as you deal with heartbreak or loss, know that you are able to deal with all that your life throws at you...take the pieces of the jigsaw and start putting them together (sometimes there will still be a few missing)

I've not yet made a decision that i've regretted ...or at the very least had an experience I've learned from ...a saying I love "Eventually all the pieces fall into place...until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know everything happens for a reason" and more recently this one: “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” ~ Lao-Tzu http://www.silvamethodlife.com/accepting-change/#sthash.P99oyLvY.dpuf

A well beaten path

There are many other things I could be doing now...this is something I don't HAVE to do, no one is making me sit here and do this - but while I am still trying to 'align with my stargazer vision' and visualising, dreaming and 'expecting miracles' I will continue to reflect on my daily experiences and explore my plans for the future. 

The best way for me to 'respond to whatever is present' is to write, reflect and question every thought that 'causes suffering and test it against my own sense of truth' (Beck p210) and stop being distracted by others opinions and my own fears and 'shackles'.

I am still terrified of what the future holds and trying to see my way clear by finding a 'well beaten path' - maybe as Martha states "in these days of dizzying change and unprecedented possbilities, no beaten path even exists". I agree though that no matter how 'terrified of the dark' I may be, I can still 'calmly gaze at my destiny' and try to follow it forward!

My positive view of 'emerging from the fear and darkness' tells me I can expect that my gaze will 'break some rules, conventions and precedents' and be somewhat of an adventure - Martha quotes (Mary Oliver) "What do you plan to do with your one, wild and precious life"? She says, it is never too late and that now, this moment is 'your lifes beginning' - there is a 'clean slate' before me and perhaps II need to learn to free myself from all the things that have molded me?

"Be the greatest you are capable of being, self generating, strong and gentle...be grateful for life as you live it" (p232)

This year, 2013 is teaching me and many of my friends that life is indeed precious and most certainly we only get one chance to live 'life as we know it'! So does it matter if the path I've trodden until now has been rocky and meandering with many forks in the road?

I am grateful for so much in my life and yet I have failed, made epic mistakes, lost at 'love' but never have I regretted decisions and impulses where I have taken a leap of faith to move forward in my life...

Does it matter what the path ahead looks like? Does it matter if I veer away from the beaten track? That in fact it may be the same well trodden path of the past? What if I leave my job now, what if I don't succeed in my own business, what if i don't write another book? Oops here comes the fear, inner lizard and shackles!

I have followed my visions and convictions before.  I have taken risks and chances...and I am here to tell you that I have had an 'almost brilliant career'. I am capable of being self generating, strong and 'my own hero and star' (well, maybe not exactly!) 

For now I will return to the questions that need answers, or rather need action...should I stay, should I leave (work)? Is it just too complicated? Are my ideas too 'wild and woolly'? Am I stuck, dissatifsfied, confused? Well, hell yes!

Despite these questions, these fears and a lack of confidence to 'walk the next path' I am less anxious and I have a vision - I am exploring my options, meditating and 'treasuring ordinary days' - today is an one of those days, tomorrow will be another - meanwhile I am moving forward with some conviction (and action) to expect that miracle!

Working Miracles

Martha is still insisting on 'working miracles' with my life but of course this will not happen if I don't make a conscious effort to act on the things I've learned from her, or if I don't live in the present moment...or better still, if I can just 'do my best while leaving the issues to fate'!

So...while I am still 'motivated by hope' I promised Martha I would follow certain steps and this is my progress after 1 month...

Step 1: I've registered for a uni application to study psychology and now awaiting the link to complete the information - then it's on to filling in the laborious details of the application itself!

Step 2: I've changed some areas of my living space, as recommended by Martha in 'Steering by Starlight' and purchased objects to take home so that I felt more organised in the space I chose to change - then, I threw away an object or two and stood back to admire my purchase. A few weeks later (I was supposed to repeat the steps in other living spaces) and what purpose did this serve?

Well, I do feel more organised (thanks to the new whicker basket for storage) and the bathroom is looking more like a 'house and garden' display - well, I doubt my 'interior designer' daughter would quite agree with that! 

Step 3: I'm writing my 4th entry into my blog to 'research and write my life journey (you are my witness, because you are reading it!)

Step 4: I am spending 'time alone' (Martha recommends 15 mins per day), uninterrupted and comfortable, paying attention to negative emotions and feeling the stillness so that I move from anxiety to calm (sometimes there's a few tears in between this!).

During this time I imagine my future until my body and mind relax and the ideas are supposed to flow as I contemplate my 'itinerary' for life - one hitch with this is I usually fall asleep. Well perhaps that's not a bad thing, at least I am achieving the 'relaxed' part of the exercise wouldn't you say?

I'd agree, except that my sleep is full of dreaming and sometimes induces 'fear, panic and anxiety' instead of calm or lucid accounts of my life's journey into the future - so what could this mean? Perhaps it has an ulterior motive, one that is helping to analyse my current situation and sees the barriers or problems confronting me in the present. 

So my dreams (according to my free phone dream app) may be trying to help me take stock, reflect and give me an insight into what needs to change? Aha...could this mean that the nagging feelings of unhappiness, feeling hopelessly stuck and powerless at work could be resulting in such horrific dreams and affecting my ability to 'work miracles'? 

Could it be pointing out that I am overdue for a change in career and that my mind is the only thing truly blocking or opposing me? Maybe the maze, the monsters and  feelings of being trapped or injured, and some other rather gruesome dreams, are shining examples of my fear and worry and are helping me to work out directions and solutions? Well that's my 'guesstimate' - or maybe it just means I need to see a psychologist instead of applying to uni to study it! 

Martha describes the feeling of being trapped in a life she didn't want and so she 'dropped her chosen career' to write for a 'popular audience'.  So after analysing my dreams and returning to step 4 (and page 115) I want to work out how i can 'drop my chosen career' and sort my 'life directions' and create change.

Step 5: Be cheerful, relentless and persuasive! Trying trying and trying all three - keep forging ahead Martha says, but how I ask? Well, I'm playing around with all the possibilities until solutions arise and still finding my quiet time each day to 'envision the future'. 

Each week I establish my position for the present time until I am able to decide what to do next whatever my situation becomes. I will keep visiting my 'core of peace, focus on my goals' and take steps towards them. When my thoughts cause confusion or unhappiness or when I 'run into brick walls' and feel 'out of sorts' i will 'dissolve' those thoughts and step forward 'through the brick wall' (or knock it over!) and re check my 'star charts'.

Maybe if I 'repeat' the steps endlessly (as Martha recommends), use the tools and support available to me, notice alternatives and use short term solutions, my miracle will come when I least expect it?

Until then I have 9 weeks until my long awaited cruise!

Accepting the challenge of change

Perhaps I am afraid to move on from my workplace of 22 years - or perhaps it is just the uncertainty of change that makes me feel doubt, fear, anger and sadness?

Whatever is about to happen I know there are changes still ahead to challenge me!

'Don't be afraid of change' they say... "be open to change, embrace change' - change is one of the things 'they' say are certain in life; the others are 'death and taxes' - well that's encouraging, not! Neither of those things fill me with excitement so why should change?

It's uncertain, worrying, even at times quite frightening. It can leave you feeling sick, empty, tired and despondent - so how do you turn change into something positive and accept the challenges it has to offer?

You start by putting things into perspective - events of the past 2 weeks have shown me that family, friends and 'balance in life' are what is important - love, kindness, support and friendship are second to none and I have each of these in abundance. 

There are no doubt tough times ahead of all of us, but we can either learn from these or move on knowing that 'every experience that's part of our best destiny is beautiful to the soul' (Beck M 2008).

I know that I am doing my best and following the 'rules' of life to make reasonable choices or plans - I have nothing to lose really - but I must be rational and make a conscious effort to act on opportunities, offers and compromises, while perhaps accepting that 'what is meant to be, is meant to be"!

Sometimes I feel 'hopelessly stuck' and powerless, that I have reached a stalemate 'in life, work and career' and feel there is nothing I can do to facilitate the process of change - in fact, I am so overdue for a 'change in my career' it seem ridiculous, but...I can't leave my job, or start a business, or be a successful writer - or can I??

Perhaps it is just my 'mind' that is choosing not to, or tells me I can't afford to leave my job to start a business or write a second book? Perhaps I believe it's not possible because its not affordable or I won't be successful? But are these things really the problem?

I have been taught all my life that I need to have financial security and can't afford things, that money is a problem - my beliefs about money may be the 'root of all evil' and the very thing holding me back! If I did not believe I couldn't afford it, the first thing I would do is to leave my job and explore my opportunities, plan my business and keep 'writing'.

I know I would experience difficulty, fear and opposition - and run into a few brick walls; but if I keep 'forging onward, being persuasive and relentless' in my quest surely this will open up possibilities, solutions and alternatives? It has before, and it will again!

So for now I will:

- re evaluate my 'life plan' and objectives

- keep connecting with others

- use short term solutions

- play around with possibilities

- notice alternatives that arise

- 'think, feel and do' (kolbe.com/all_dolbe_indexes/all.cfm)

I'll keep visiting and 'gazing' at my star charts (alias vision boards) and decide what to do next, no matter what my situations - I will focus on a goal and take a step towards it while finding the thoughts causing confusion or unhappiness and 'dissolving' them (Beck M 2008) through meditation, relaxation, conversations and 'cheerfulness'. 

I will make some sort of connection with my vision and keep challenging uncertainty and change - I will be more tolerant with myself and others and avoid 'excessive worrying' because ultimately I need to accept the uncertainty of life and get ready for anything that 'might happen'! Worrying won't change the outcome, but my perception and attitudes will!

And today...well, today I will relax, stay calm, keep warm, enjoy moments with my family and go to dinner with 'old friends' x

My 'itinery' for life

To be or not to be, that is the question I am asking myself today as I take time out from the office to ponder and plan my future. I'm sitting, being, watching as the waves hit the beach on this grey day, clouds heavy with rain.

A mother with a stroller, a couple with a dog; voices behind me, dishes clattering, people closing umbrellas and scuffing shoes as they enter the beachside cafe. People walking, people running, empty cups of coffee, my coffee gone cold and a heater above me reminds me that it is cold out there!

I am lucky, there is nothing I need in order to exist at this precise moment. I imagine my future - a wonderful relationship, connected to many people and using 'every experience as part of my best destiny and beautiful to my soul' ((Beck, M 2008). I am motivated by hope and thankful for what I am about to receive.

 I am doing my best while leaving 'the issue' to fate!

These are the optimistic views/visions I am taking while following Martha Becks advice about life; and using this blog to research, reflect and write about how I am 'Steering by Starlight' and sitting in my 'studio' to feel the stillness and reduce my anxiety until calm. Thank you Martha - I recommend your book to anyone waiting for the pieces to fall into place!

 Until that day or time I am working through confusion, living for the moment and assuring myself that 'everything happens for a reason'!

 My time this morning is uninterrupted (except for emails, phone calls, washing, dishes, and a Skype meeting)...so now, at this moment I notice the things around me, I breathe in and pay attention to the sensations I feel and begin to imagine the future and contemplate my 'itinerary' for life...'

I must make another 'dream board planner' or 'pictorial star chart' as Martha describes it - I did this once and some of it 'came true' and some of it is still a dream and picture on the 'board'. What will it look like now?

 I already have a picture of being able to work at home thanks to my daughter/s efforts to redesign my 'office space' - although it is becoming cluttered again, so time to clean it up if I am truly planning on a doing business from home!

 Psychology degree - I've been 'picturing' that for 4 years at least! Ok, so enrol and be done with it!

 Book/Cafe - I suppose I am picturing that now, sitting here in this cafe. I can imagine bookshelves, aromatherapy candles, floorboards, gifts, local artists, events, a fire, a bar and music Sunday afternoon - easy...those cafes already exist, what will be the point of difference (more dreaming needed!)

My latest and probably most likely creative idea see me remain within my field of experience (rather than dreams); a 'personal learning consultant'; a mentor, a coach - supporting learning journeys and inspiring others. I enjoy 'public speaking' and presenting workshops - I recognise skills in others and have been able to help them 'do what they are good at', while finding out ways they can continue to learn and develop their skills...

These are not dreams, they are things I do well, am passionate about and within the realms of possibility and independently (autonomously)

I will find the work/life balance and flexible hours by taking initiative, networking and promoting myself through the endorsements of others and those I am connected with...above all - I am not afraid to move on and am ready to accept the challenge 'and chase' of the changes that await me!

My next blog will take me to 'how' and the pros and cons of moving on...

myBlog No 2 "What do i want my working life to look like"

As I start to ponder my options and reasons for wanting to change anything, I need to have some idea of what I want and reflect on a few key questions. For example,  'what do I do now, what would I like to do and where or with who would I like to work?" This way I am able to start building a 'picture or visuals' of what changes or decisions I need to make and steps I should take - these questions may even help me decide to stay right where I am (for now) and feel happier about being there!
 
I know and have known for many years - perhaps even before it was fashionable, that I 'love' a flexible and varied working week. Perhaps this stems from juggling home, family, full time and part time work in my 30's when I worked 'long and hard' and yet had a variety of 'roles and responsibilities'. I also 'love' managers who respect that my work will be done, is done and can be done in 'my time' as well as theirs'.

 As a social, behavioural and relationship based learner I want to meet people in different 'places and spaces' eg cafes, at home, in other workplaces - almost anywhere that is not office bound or limited to 9 - 5. I am not and never will be someone who works to a 'time clock', especially when monitored by a bureaucracy or 'micro' manager! I want to work either side of 9 or 5 p.m. or weekends or at night, so I am able to respond to my own body clock and other commitments including family, exercise and health.

 It's important for me to work with people who have similar passions and philosophies, and who are helpful, supportive and receptive to new ideas. Professional conversations add so much more to the work day and some of the best decisions, actions and planning can be done over coffee, meals and alcoholic 'beverages'!

 Amanda Ellis in 'Women's Business Women's Wealth suggests you think about how you would like to be remembered and what would you like to achieve? Like Steven Covey in 'The 7 habits for successful living' she encourages you to write your own 'obituary' - wow what an experience that is! Here is mine (perhaps someone will adapt it when the time comes!)

 "As a little girl Judy was drawn to caring for others especially babies. Babysitting and church Sunday school were avenues she chose as a 10 - 12 year old - as a pre schooler she spent endless hours on the porch feeding teddies and her one and only 'bride' doll.

 In year 9 she found out about Mothercraft Nursing and was relentless in her pursuit of this as a career. She devoted much of her life caring for children and families, later supporting child care training and education as a VET Practitioner for over 20 years.

 She valued friends and became a mother at 26 at a time when women were still grappling with work and career along with parenting. While not without struggles she managed to parent 2 beautiful girls while balancing study with work and home. Finally achieving a degree which alongside of teaching enabled her to financially support her family as a single parent.

 Judy was at times 'single minded', like a 'dog with a bone' she'd say - determined, while putting children and partners first on many occasions. She was passionate at work and enjoyed challenges, independence, recognition and mentoring.

 Over a ten year journey Judy wrote and self published a book to achieve a personal goal, launching and promoting the book amongst friends and local book stores..."

 

I'll stop the 'obituary' here although there is of course more! I mainly wanted to show how as we reflect on our lives we may see patterns emerge, feelings surface and even reach an acceptance of 'what is or what was'. Finally, by writing this I have been able to see perhaps the capabilities and qualities I have developed (or perhaps was born with!) and have helped me move through good and difficult times.

 As I continued on with the obituary I was also able to identify some future aspirations and 'dare to dream' eg: writing a second book, owning a book cafe, investing in property and travel. It shows me that while I may or may not fulfil my dreams, I still have opportunities, choices and time to achieve other things and/or simply enjoy the journey!

and so now...what do I want to do with the rest of my working life?

My life and 'dare to dream'

This year as I review 'my life and dare to dream', the top ten goals I've identified are:

· take 6 months off work

· write a second book

· invest in another property

· take short holidays at least 4 times a year

· buy/lease a book shop with cafe and diverse range of other products/services and resources

· promote my book interstate

· go horse riding on the beach

· go on an overseas trip

· work from home in my own coaching/mentoring, training and development business and 'consultant/presenter'

· eat well and get fit; have fun and be happy 'in myself'

Many of these have been long term goals and many will continue to be moved forward and reviewed each year. Some I need, some are for security, others to make money, yet others to create a life balance and have more autonomy as I begin to ponder my future lifestyle (which is fast approaching retirement! ugggh!)

 

Where has the time gone and where is it going? My 80 year old Mum today tells my daughter she is 'writing letters to people' so that one day they might be found and the very art of 'hand writing' (human writing she calls it) let alone the stories she tells in her letters will be remembered.

 

This made me think again of what do any of us leave behind and the 'meaning of life'! I've been watching a series on SBS called "Sex, death and the Meaning of Life" and Mum and I 'philosophise' about this almost every Saturday when sitting for our second coffee at Michel's cafe.

 

I love these times with Mum, and it's then that I'm inspired to appreciate what I have, who I am and what I do; realising that while we can plan and control certain aspects of life and love, for the most part 'the die is cast' and a plan is only ever a plan, not a blueprint. Mum has no regrets she tells me, except that she wanted to be a ballet dancer and go to Paris!

 

While her family, friends and children think she deserved so much more in life I try to understand she truly feels she has led a fulfilling life, one that sees her loved and respected by all those who know her, and many who don't...like the retail staff in our local chemist, and the doctors receptionist and the podiatrist she sees - they tell me 'your mum is so so lovely and such a nice person, we love it when she comes to the shop' etc - Mum has a way of making everyone she meets feel special and important in her life.

 

As I reflect on 'the meaning of life', my chats with Mum and recall my memories of growing up - I think about what does make life worthwhile, fulfilling and what makes 'me' happy? It's here I come back to the list above and a more immediate need to consider and that is: 'what do I want in my working life??

 

In my next blog entry I will ask myself this question and 'what will my working life look like now and into the next decade?!